Author: Leran Tao

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100% in Tear

On 14.12. 2022. the Wednesday late night, a sharp scream broke out from Marienstraße. This was a performance work shop, organized by me, called crazy dark room.

The dark room happened in my room. I cleared every sharp objects to the sides or hided in the shelf so that participants wouldn’t accidentally get hurt while performing.

Hier was the introduction, to let participants quickly get into it.

Crazy Dark Room
Let your Limitation free!

Content:
First, u need to think now u are a Psychosis. Explain the story in your mind about how you have gone crazy.
Second, I will lead u one by one in to my dark room.
Third, u start to performance, let your emotion and your story free in this dark empty space.

Last, short discussion/ write down how u feel.

During the work shop i documented the process with the camera and phones. Hier is the last 2 minutes in the end before the police almost came.

As i tried to forget myself from the reality and let all anger or dirty thoughts take control of me, the thoughts of “Nobody hier loves me, Nobody hier cares me. I am useless.” came up to my mind and drove me truly cried.

I went so exhausted that i have to end the work shop in the end.

Later as we were doing the feedback round, my friend who was also in the work shop, cried. And one of my roommate, who was rushing back to the apartment when she got the call from other roommates, hug me tightly for about 20 minutes after i came out from my room.

The work shop was firstly designed to be a chance that i imagined to revenge back against those people who fucked up with me in the real life. But in the end it turned out that the only people i hurt, are those who care about me.

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Crying is the media to balance the majority and minority.

The food designer Marije Vogelzang, has launched a project before:

Eat Love Budapest

In this workshop, the women feed the stranger while they can not see arch other faces. 

It’s such a beautiful touching project, that connects the people through the most common way that almost everyone has: feeding by someone else (like the child by the mother). Tears down when the workshop ended even for me just as a watcher.

Crying is more as a private experience for me. But this time was my first time to cry just because of a workshop. 

Through the workshop, I understood the idea that it’s hard to judge someone after u went into his heart. It’s hard to hate someone if u have cried for him. Tears can really be the most powerful weapon in this world. Behind tear is the name love. 

the link to the website: https://www.marijevogelzang.nl/past-projects/eat-love-budapest/

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The tears from god

God made us in the picture of him, and so I wondered whether god also cried / cries because “freely crying” is such an ability that you can only find in human. 

And soon I found there is a sentence in bible which said directly Jesus cried, it happened in the context that there was one dead brother from Jew and the sister of him cried for him and she asked Jesus to save her brother to keep from death. Jesus cried as he saw his grave. Jesus cried for other’s sadness. This empathy is also deep in our humanity. We tear down when we saw a sad movie, listen sad music or listen to other’s stories. But these tears are usually associated with our own experiences. We cried for the sad love movie because we had similar experiences before, so that’s how our understanding is built up.

But there is not so much positions where writes Jesus cried.

And so does it make sense for our human being that we repress our crying emotions? 

My thoughts jumped out really quickly. As we all knew there is an old message that “Real men don’t cry.”, nowadays the culture encourages us again to show the true feelings and let tears out. It’s actually healthier to release the tear. 

Crying lows down the pain and pressure. Why do we have so much pressure or pains? Why do we feel hopeless from time to time and we need urgently crying? 

There is a show that I watched before, it’s about why we need the belief and hope even if sometimes it comes from deepest doubt of life. 

https://www.arte.tv/de/videos/098797-010-A/streetphilosophy/

if there is no video showed on website, please click on the link!