Tears disintegrating the snow

Dear dr.Köbele,

Do you know how frightening it is to be called with the code ”urgent”? My legs froze today, and my heart blew up, breaking through the thin skin of my chest.

What is it?

2 x 15

Today I had two sessions closed in the strange metal body of that loud machine, two times half an hour inside of the capsule. Surrounded by the disturbing sounds coming from the walls of it, I had a chance to picture my brain cells dancing within the empty skull, bumping onto the walls of it and changing the rhythm according to the song played by the MR.

What is it, dr. Köbele?

“If we find it, you will have to receive a contrast medicine.” they said. My blood was mixed with the gadolinium contrast medium in the second session, which means that they had found it.

The second session made me think: this is the second round or the second encounter of a potentially big change. A big step backward, perhaps, or forwards, inevitably? For the second time, I received this terrible news, still not knowing what is it.

What makes my hands numb for so long?
Doctor Köbele?


Thank you, Sick Body, for being so brave not to hide your most honest feelings and reactions. Thank you for hiking several kilometers and discovering all these beautiful hills today after being exposed to the capsule and contrasts, because you faced those
white-coated, frozen,
tale-like scenes,
long trunks,
thin grass coming out of the white carpet,
tiny branches that in their extreme geometrical confusion created a puzzle.
They looked the same as MR pictures of my brain, doctor – impossible to understand, with the complicated history and unexpected changes, even entity, in a way I understand it.

Lost & Found

Today I lost my earring, right before entering the capsule, and my left glove while running through the snowy hills.
But I found the strength to support myself on this weird journey, producing powerful tears that burn my face and melt the snow.

…until you call me, I am not going to move anywhere.

Pinky swear, dr Köbele.

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